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There are not many 50 year
old guys out there that have grown up enough to
be independent, undemanding, non-controlling,
and accepting. Too many are still in an adolescent
phase, worshiping a woman's exterior without bothering
to explore her interior. Adrienne
I have sent out messages
but have received no response and I have never
had an enquiry or message sent to me. I think
men must look only for a certain age and under.
There is an aspect of me that completely understands
and accepts that. And there is another aspect
of me that needs to fall in love with me before
a connection can happen. I feel very much what
you say about the level of wholeness that each
of us must become for ourselves ...loving and
accepting of our ourselves. This energy is really
what nurtures and sustains us. When we meet a
beloved coming from this space what can I say
but wow!!! This is the energy I felt when I read
your post.
I know for myself we do
get caught up in the form and forget to feel the
essence underlying all form but if we haven't
connected with that in ourselves first it is hard
to do it outside of ourselves. Each moment our
attention is drawn to either or we are able to
hold both in our awareness. What do you call this?.....
I feel we are being called to nothing short of
ecstatic union ... with ourself . Isn't that what
we hope to achieve in loving union with someone
.... are we not each being called to be in love
with ourselves in that way? Imagine then 2 people
coming together from this space. I find that pretty
sexy.
Monica
When one is conscious,
or striving toward consciousness (and enlightenment),
how much does the physical aspects of another
-- or of anything -- matter?
There of course wouldn't
be a definitive answer to this question... I think
there could be as many answers as people. And
they might all be right. Or not.
For me, I grappled with
this question for quite some time, and ultimately
came to the conclusion that unless I'm physically
attracted to a woman (in addition to being spiritually/mentally
attracted), the "equipment" just isn't
going to work. (And I've tried.) In the same way
that when I was physically attracted to someone
but not spiritually/mentally attracted as well,
that too didn't work. (Well, it would work for
a couple of weeks perhaps. )
We all know that "physical
attraction" is in the mind of the beholder,
like beauty, which makes this such a personal
thing. Some love Monet, some love Matisse. And
is that not part of the "game" of life?
To engage in those things that attract us -- whether
it's work as a Stockbroker or work as a Musician,
or as a Doctor or Entrepreneur. Whether we live
in a Tudor house, or in a hut in the woods. Whether
we befriend the cashier at the local store because
that person has a sense of humor that we find
funny.
I think attraction works
on many levels. If we gravitate toward and pursue
what naturally attracts/interests us, our destiny
is more likely to be fulfilled I believe. (Which
doesn't mean that if we pursue something that
doesn't attract us, our destiny can't also be
fulfilled.)
So,
I've come to a place of peace in regards to physical
attraction in relation to a partner, vs. my view
on being "spiritual" & living a
spiritual life. If the attraction isn't there,
or doesn't grow as I get to know someone, then
that's okay. This person isn't meant to be my
romantic partner. And it doesn't mean I'm one
step further away from enlightenment, as some
in society might believe. After all, on some level,
we already are enlightened....
Filmmaker
No doubt, I seem ridiculous
and undesirable to most who would be physically
attracted to me in a generic sort of way. When
attraction omits the essence of my full being,
that won't work for me. It is a commitment to
my path of consciousness that makes me insist
upon finding spiritual, mental and emotional attraction
as well as physical. Each of those four aspects
is critical to my interest in a romantic, life-partner.
I choose to be on my own rather than settle for
partial attraction. Self knowledge causes me to
respond to most of the online inquiries I receive
with a thanks, but no thanks. I have to be true
to myself. I believe it is proper and kind to
respond in some way. I learn more about who I
am and what is important to me through romantic
rejection, both as the rejecting one and as the
one rejected. Kinetic
I've been thinking about
something that most of us say doesn't really matter,
but even to those who say that, apparently it
does. Two factors I'm speaking of are age and
physical appearance.
I've been single for about
15 years. My marriage was a good one, but in the
end we drifted apart and are still friends. After
the divorce, I used to spend too much time searching
for the perfect mate and/or trying to hold on
to one of three which I thought were perhaps 'the
one'.
At the ripe age of 49,
I went to a matchmaker company in Honolulu which
advertised good quality service and professional
matches with professional people. It was very
expensive and they talked me into joining by saying
- after 49 it would be much more difficult to
find a life partner. I felt panicked! That was
it - my one last chance. Well, needless to say,
it didn't work out.
When I saw the ad for this
conscious singles group - and a membership at
a reasonable price, I thought it was about time
to try again. I'm not desparate. I can enjoy life
alone, I just feel it could be better with someone
to share it with. The focus on soul mates, healthy
living and potential mates who valued deeper connections
than just physical and material ones attracted
me to join. But what did I find in the profiles
and in correspondence? Men who want slim and attractive
women - even some of the older guys are asking
for women who still want to have children!
I don't suppose many women
over fifty would consider themselves physical
competition for the 30 and 40 year olds. It is
a fact of life that people age physically! I am
54, healthy, physically very active and attractive
for my age. But I'm not trying to convince myself
or anyone else that I am younger than I am. I
am young enough acting and looking that the three
main partners I've had over the past 15 years
have been younger than I am. However, I refuse
to sell myself to anyone with this as a focus.
I suppose I am looking
for a man approximately my own age so that we
will grow old together and I won't have to worry
about him looking for a younger woman as he sees
me get old before he does. On the other hand,
I hope to find someone who won't be kicking the
bucket ten years from now. Really, I want a soul
mate - and I don't think you can find that on
the basis of physical appearance. It would be
nice if the right chemistry for a good physical
relationship were there,too. But, that doesn't
mean he would have to look like Brad Pitt or Arnold
S.
So, to restate the problem:
it seems that all the men in the age range I'm
looking for want young, slim attractive women.
Is it true then that men's brains are still in
their *****? I don't mean to say that about all
of them. I am writing to a couple of really nice
guys. Thanks for 'reading'. --Carolyn
I just joined and I am
thrilled to find thoughtful, kind and curious
people around. Relationships have been tough for
me although I think I function well in other aspects
of my life. I have been described as too humble,
too low maintenance, perhaps because I have treated
men as I would want to be treated instead of holding
some of myself back. I am happy to find this site.
morninglory2008
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