Experience, Strength and Hope is for members to ask questions and express their feelings/opinions about their journey as a conscious single. The intent of our website is to support via information, interaction and community.

This particular page will address the very specific issues related to recovery issues and being conscious, how recovery is relevant to all conscious singles and, the recovering conscious single.

This page will include one or two of Barbara's articles and an answers to questions posed by members of Conscious Singles. The article featured now is entitled "Everywhere You Go, There You Are," from an  issue of The Recovery Journal.

The first question Barbara answered is one Joel Rachelson posed concerning the role of psychotherapy is recovery. Joel was aware of the different feelings in the recovery community to psychotherapy and was keen to have Barbara address it. He thinks she did so splendidly in her usual open, direct and wise way.

Does Psychotherapy play an important role in Recovery?

Answer: When Earnie Larsen started his journey toward discovering and pioneering Stage II Recovery he realized that is was his demons from his past that were keeping him stuck in his destructive patterns of behavior. He felt like he was going crazy and this was with over l0 years of continuous sobriety. He asked the 'old timers' in A.A. what he should do, they told him to "go to meetings, and don't drink in between." That kept him 'sober' but it didn't keep him sane.

Only thorough sorting through his past, his family of origin issues did he realize that more in-depth counseling and work was necessary. At this stage in recovery, which is usually when we approach the 6th and 7th step do we face the crossroad of our recovery. This is where a good counselor who is committed toward guiding a person through recovery, is vital. We need individual attention at this point because our feelings are beginning to surface and many times they are frightening.

Although I was sober for close to l0 years when I reached this point, I had not even begun to uncover my family of origin issues, my fear of abandonment and my absolute defeat in being able to have a relationship with a significant other. Through the guidance of a psychotherapist and the program of Adult Children of Alcoholics and later Codependents Anonymous, I was able to start the most difficult work of my life. My psychotherapist was able to guide me into waters that I did not want to tread. He uncovered feelings that were so raw I thought I would die. I experienced my first panic attack in his office and he held me while I cried and shook uncontrollably. He knew what he was doing, and I never would have gone there on my own. I had come into therapy because one more time, my relationship was not working. That is what seems to drive many of us into therapy.

Question One Part Two ~ Barbara Harding

Our relationships as Earnie Larsen says are a reflection of where we are in our recovery. Although I had logged in almost a decade and worked a good program, there was still something missing. Each person needs to find a good therapist and needs to make sure that the time they spend together is working toward the goal of happy, joyous and free living.

People spend more time shopping for a new car than they do a good competent therapist. A therapist who is good in one area may not be competent in another. I have heard many horror stories about 'fad' psychotherapy who left people devestated.

My advice is to choose someone carefully and follow your gut.

Are they easy to talk with, do they feel like your coach, rather than a
distant authority

. Are they familiar with the steps and the principles of recovery.

Do they seem to being living a life that is happy joyous and free?

You can't teach what you don't know.

Are they book smart but not people smart?

A good therapist is like a best friend who is always interested in listening to what you have to say, but will ask you the tough questions that make you examine your motives and go deeper to get the answers you need.

A good therapist does not want you to be sick for the rest of your life so that they have a money stream. Their intent is to help you get well so that you can live a full life.

Bill W., co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous was plagued with what he called "the dark night of the soul." He suffered from chronic depression. This is not uncommon. We are very complex individuals who have layer after layer of issues to work through.

The road at times can seem endless. But as we carefully are guided by a therapist, we begin to enjoy the process and learn to love ourselves and others who suffer as well.

Our recovery becomes our greatest challenge and our greatest gift.

We invite you to pose a question to Barbara Harding.